So bloody confused.
The girl I hate but can’t hate at the same time has got back together with her ex. This is the same girl that I was freaking out that my ex had a crush on. The reason I wanted to break up with him.
No idea how I feel about this.
1st thing I want to say
To my ex,
I’m not sure what happened.
This whole year, things haven’t been right. I told you when we broke up that I thought things just weren’t working out, that we grew apart. Did it seem convincing? I lied. That wasn’t the reason. Truthfully, I couldn’t take it anymore.
Do you remember camp?
She was always there. If she sat down, you’d sit next to her. If a conversation started, you’d always reply to her. You practically held her bloody hand during the walks. She said herself that you’d ‘gotten close’, and I wouldn’t have minded, though the only time you seemed to acknowledge me completely was when she was no where in sight. But you’d always be happier around her, I know.
It fucking hurt. Lovely to know that, essentially, I’d been replaced, that I wasn’t good enough. That once upon a time was us, before we were dating. There wasn’t another girl back then.
I didn’t expect a fairy-tale romance. But this hurt. I couldn’t take it anymore; I thought I was worthless. I thought you were going to go the extra mile and cheat on me. The thought was terrifying, and I was scared at what I would do if that happened. I still hate myself that I was so mistrusting, but guess what, dear? That wasn’t my fault.
I needed to get out. For myself. Pathetically enough, I miss you.
Still can’t believe you’re so oblivious. That I didn’t ever tell you this when we broke up. I wanted to, but it was just another thing I couldn’t say.
So my room mate comes in...
- Radha: Hey, Emily. Look what I got! I bought some instant coff-
- Me: COMMONER'S COFFEE!
- Radha: Huh?
- Me: COMMONER'S COFFEE!
- Radha: ........
- Me: So it's true! Poor people don't even have enough time to grind their own coffee beans!
- Radha: I'm not that poor-
- Me: I'm afraid if I drink this my father will yell at me!
- Radha: Why would-
- Me: What if I let you drink it from my mouth?
- Radha: ... you're quoting something again, aren't you?
(Source: soldiersofmars)
(Source: shiroikawaiihito)
Aki and Mao SID
Introduction
I’m not gonna lie.
This is going to be my place to rant. My place to offload, cry and post an amazing amount of crap. My place to say every single thing that I can’t in the real world, because I’m not so sure who my real friends are and if they’d want to hear it. I don’t care if nobody follows me or replies - just as long as it’s out. And hopefully it will help.
So a bit about me. I am a fifteen year old girl from Australia. I love music, both listening to it and playing. I’ve been dancing for seven years, but quite frankly I think I hate it. I’ll keep it up though - it’s not like I do any other form of exercise. I am also a writer, though I’m not very good, and a bit of a drawer.
I hate pop. And techno. And anything autotuned and that has pointless lyrics. Thus why I have escaped to SID, a JRock (though their music style varies a lot) band who has stolen my heart. My current dp is of Mao, the singer. His voice is amazing.
I don’t believe I’m special. I wish I was, but there are another seven billion people out there. There’s probably somebody out there who’s just like me in personality. So I will imagine other scenarios where things are different.
That’s all for now.
This is me. Taken with the terrible laptop camera so ignore the awful quality (I didn’t exactly have a more up-to-date photo so it was my only option).
